I wonder these days why I create black and white thinking in many scenarios in my life. I feel that society makes us believe in this at a very young age. You are either good or evil, hero or villain, right or wrong- these are some examples that have been portrayed in fairy-tales, movies, comics, and even politics. These are all lies. I don't believe any of us are either one or the other. We are not all good or all bad. Most people have a combination of the two. We all have strengths and weaknesses, so why is it that I have this knob in my head that automatically chooses either one or the other? I like to see the good in people, seeing the world through rose colored glasses but this has created a lot of difficulty in my life. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and couldn't see the hurtful things because I wanted to see the good in him. My thinking was totally warped. I have befriended people who do something out of character in my book and I ride them off as "bad" because of this fact as well. The truth is that many people are shades of gray. I learn this more and more over time as I get older. It's not as simple as good or bad, right or wrong. However society doesn't help us validate this. We get into so many wars because one nation is totally "bad" or "wrong" and the other is "good" or "right". I feel that if more people saw in shades of gray there would be more compromise and less tension or pain. Let me just say, it's not an easy thing to do nor does it feel natural yet a little change in perspective can go a long way.

I have found that there are waaaay too many toxic people out there. You know the type- friendly and amicable on the outside yet cold and calculating on the inside. The worst offenders thrive in working environments. They can't wait to throw you under the bus at any little thing they find annoys them. And of course most of them want others to follow in their outrage. Stop the madness! This just makes everyone feel uncomfortable and slighted by a comment that sounded like finger pointing statements. Dealing with people like this everyday is draining. Why can't people just mind their business and do their job instead of excluding others from groups and gossiping about their flaws. Everyone's got flaws. Take a good look at yourselves in the mirror, toxic people! You're getting uglier by the minute. oh and get the hell away from me!

There is this guy I work with who when I first met him I thought was kind of cute. He flirted with me and thought ok why not ask him for coffee. Then I did and found out his gf was coming into town. I thought WOW what a loser! so I then told him I was actually too busy to have coffee with him. (I don't go out with guys who have girlfriends) Oh but before I told him no way buddy, I told him that the way he did something was cute and he's been doing it ever since. Pathetic! Anyways we were just in the elevator together and it was such awkwardness. We didn't even acknowledge each other. It has been that way for a while now, but why do guys do that?! I mean if you are in a relationship don't led a girl on by flirtatiousness! it's just jerky behavior. Like why would I want to get involved with him- if he did that to her he could to that to me.

Then there was another guy I met who was married but didn't wear a wedding ring. His excuse was oh it hurt my finger and that his in-laws don't wear them either. He also said his wife is ok with it although she wears hers. Really?! c'mon people! That is such BS. You know that she hates the fact that you don't wear one, because you probably get hit on alot. If the damn thing hurts get it resized or wear lotion or put it on a necklace. Just wear the damn thing! It's already enough for single girls to find good men that don't lie or manipulate. This really shocked me b/c he said he was still getting used to the fact of wearing a ring. Umm I think you had plenty of time when you were engaged to think about that! PLEASE!

Hello everyone this is my first blog ever and I am excited to see the results...so I started this blog because I thought if everyone else is writing about their lives, why not me?

I guess turning 30 this year has something to do with it too. My life right now is certainly not how I thought it would be.

Fantasy = established in my career, have a long-term boyfriend (possibly living with him) and have a great lifestyle (car, dog, great clothes, shoes, etc).

Reality = moving in with my “practical” sister in a 2 bedroom apartment, no boyfriend, modest lifestyle, applying to grad school finally.

So I’m not saying that my life sucks because it doesn’t but it’s nowhere near where I thought I should be…maybe that was the problem all along- thinking about where I should be and not where I am at the moment. That doesn’t mean that I won’t have aspirations, just means I need to work on my present circumstances.

Well that is all I got for right now but believe me there is much more in store!